I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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