you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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