Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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