Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
