Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
