just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
