Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
