Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
