Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
