You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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