She said her name was "party"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
