i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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