I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
