His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
