If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
