I smell stomach acid.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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