we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
