I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
