I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
