Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
