Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
