five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
