I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
