youre lurking in front of me
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
