I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
