Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
