its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
