No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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