Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
