toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
