Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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