You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
