i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
