I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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