Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
