i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
