I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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