i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Floor bacon is actually really good
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
