Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
