Jerry, you need to find god
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
