I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
