How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
