hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just pee around me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
