Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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