So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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