He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
