i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
