I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
