I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
