i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
